Insights and Feelings in SG

Its been such a long time since i last dropped by my blog to post, if i am not mistaken it was Feb 2006 when i last wrote a blog, this time was indeed a perfect timing for me elucidate my feelings since i am afar from home.

Merlion Park

SINGAPORE - a small country well known for most technical people especially for those who are in the field of engineering and IT not withstanding other field. Also known for promising tourist attractions and the renowed cleanliness. This country has been the bread and butter for the realization of my future goals. but i must admit taking a big leap for the realization i am talking about is not easy for me taking into consideration that it all took place in a hasty incident although i've already set my mind that its already the right time to fulfill my goals so i have to settle my mind. At first, things work out as planned but as time goes by, unexpected things happen, so i need to regain my composure and stick solely to my goals. Its very important here to expect the unexpected.

My first two weeks of stay here was a complete messed, again i need not to lose focus, but i knew that each and everyone of us has its own limitation, there would come a time that you can no longer hold on to your anticipation, i'll be a liar if i said i'm strong enough to still hold on to that, I am a very emotional person but i hardly knew myself, i know the in and outs of my emotions eventhough its very hard for me to interpret. After 1 month of stay here, it came to a point that tears fall into my eyes, that i need to stop to a nearby MRT station to help it stop. This was the time that i need to confront for help, although i knew that i can still manage to control but mind you the situation now is far more worst than the one i cited, this is the time that i feel very much alone and no friends to lean on, there are a lot of times i woke up at midnight and cry, walking slowly just to to let the time runs out, watch a lot of dvd movies a day eventhough i don't understand what was the plot of the story, turning on the tv eventhough it seems like a radio for me and barely hearing the sound just to break the silence, and after a long day of struggle, another long day of bereavement is about to begin.

I've already settled a job here, i'm just waiting for the day that i'll be reporting, this means that my goal of securing one has been achieved and yet the feeling is still the same, i knew most of you would tell that i can say this because i am not yet working but i believe the feeling won't halt eventhough i'm busy working from the next coming days. i have not feel the same way as this before, it so hard for me. If only i am not thinking of "future" i won't leave the Philippines, but that's the reality, i need to have a plan not just for my own future but for my future family.

I badly missed my associations before, its just like hakuna matata, but this doesn't mean that i do regret my decision of going here its just that unexpected things do happen and you can't do anything about it. Well that's how life runs, you'll never know what is install for us, only the MIGHTY ONE above knows.

I knew next year will be a bit different than now, the pain of loneliness could somehow ease but it doesn't guarantee that the it would heal the wound, it may sound absurd, but its the big reality i am facing now. This is not a form of discouragement but rather a reality deep within my views that has been mold throughout more than a month of my stay here. For those keen thinkers i think you might get my message but for others you might view it the way i wrote it.

It is more or less 6 hours before this very day ends, and i'll be looking forward again for the tomorrow i have to face. I think this is all for know. Till next time guys!!!